Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Lost Get Found

So, here I am yet again on another late night can't sleep blogging mode. An hour ago I found out some news that I thought would have devastated me. Here I sit and I have such a calm peace and I feel as if the Lord were holding me up and keeping me eyes from being cast down. Life sometimes feels so unreal and then I wonder, in our crazy mixed up thoughts have we distorted what real is? What do you think? Is "Real" the perfect life of wealth, and happiness, friends and family, a church fellowship that is constantly working as it should, children growing, meeting Mr Right, getting married and having all those wonderful picture perfect holiday meals as a family, is it the child always acknowledging that a parent is right, is it those perfect words of wisdom at just the right time that save the day, a day without struggle and mishap, shall I go on? How many versions of life are there? How many versions do we com pair to ours and wish for something better? How many ideals to we strive for to reach perfection? If I could just be there then I would be okay. If I could just be thinner then I would be pretty. If I could just be a little more rich then I would be popular. Who are we kidding? STOP! Ecclesiastes 1:2 says "All is vanity" Our minds twist and turn to our own making of reality, that we don't even know what the truth looks like anymore. That person didn't answer there phone so they are mad at me. That person only said hi and walked on so I am not important. WHO SAID! Out stupid wondering mind that doesn't KNOW what the other person is really thinking. I am in the boat with you. I am so horrible at thinking I know what someone else is thinking and guess what? The only person who is miserable is me. And most of the time I end up being wrong. I have been agonizing for months because I thought someone was mad at me. I asked them Sunday and guess what? They aren't. How foolish is that? To waist months agonizing instead of facing it, talking to them, and not playing mind games. Guess what people, Life is hard. Maybe that is why God said in 1 Timothy 6:12 "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." to fight the good fight there must be a battle. How many of us sit as spectators and just pretend to kinda walk the faith. I mean, we pray don't we..well sometimes...we memorize and spend time with God...well, at least on Sunday...so, I am not a bad person right...Guess what..it is not about being a bad person..It is about serving the ONE TRUE GOD, bringing GLORY TO HIS NAME, and FIGHTING THE FIGHT HE HAS SET BEFORE US. Life is not about us at all!!!!!!!!!!!! It is about GOD. If we could face the dark hidden spaces of our hearts and deal with what we pretend isn't there we can by God's grace conquer sin, and live in the freedom of God's will which is way better than any imaginary success the world has to offer. Reality check, doing what is right is not always easy, in fact, most of the time it is hard and not at all what our human nature is drawn to in fact quite the apposite, but the reward..There is nothing on earth to compare. The joy, the peace, and the love of Christ is so much greater than anything else I will ever know. He is sufficient. He is enough. He is real. Speak the truth in love. Not just to others, but maybe even yourself. Be honest with yourself. Don't hide things in the closet. Walk through fire for those you love. With God there with you, the fire might not be quiet as hot as you thought it would be. Just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. They got thrown into the fiery furnace and the guards throwing them in died. Did Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendnego. No! Were they willing to? Yes. God was with them. He is in control. We must BELIEVE that God is who He says He is. He WILL do what He said He will do. Throw off vain imaginations. Seek the Truth and the Truth will set you free. Stop living in a pretend world where everything needs to be perfect because you will never get there. Love people where they are at now..Love God now..after all...it's all we have..now.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


Interesting title since that is the name of my overall blog.. Anyway, I was in bed with the little heater that looks like a fireplace going and was trying to sleep. My mind started going and going and going and ...well, you get the picture so...here I am writing a blog so I can get this all off my mind and then I can actually catch some sleep. These last couple of days have been big ones. Lots of things noticed, lots of ideas challenged, and yes..even the things I would rather ignore brought more into the light (don't you just love it when that happens). I believe it means that life is about to take a big turn and change. Now, as for me, I do not really like lots of change, but I am noticing that God does have a plan in it all SHOCK!! He is really amazing even when I can not see. I am 28, single, and .....well, most of my friends are married, have kids, and are either 10+ years older than me or 10+ years younger. So, where does that leave me....I still haven't really figured that out. I never wanted to live life alone where is was about me, but I think I got being alone and living for myself mixed up. I think I have to learn to function alone, live alone, and be content being alone, while I care about and help and meet the needs of others (by God's grace). To be honest, it isn't easy, but the more I try and find some sort of support or encouragement from people and ignore certain things the more I want to run away from people entirely and just be a hermit. Vicious circle. I mean, seriously, who is going to hurt you if you are alone. Well, that would be yourself so there really isn't a win win is there. I believe that my purpose on earth is to bring glory to God and to love my neighbor as myself. So, if I can learn to do that then I won't have to worry about living for myself, but at the same time...there are some people I can't keep doing things for because it is not my need to fill. Uggg...so many choices and yes, i mess up a lot of them. Last couple of days I have been praised and lifted up and dumped, ignored, and forgotten. God is the only one that stayed and went with me. In fact, He is always with me. So, when I hear praise I don't always know how to take it and when I have the negative happen, for some reason that is what I expect. I think that is all I am worth. Now, I know logically that is not good, but I have not learned yet how to truly believe otherwise. It seems when I finally venture out and test it I get hit back down and just want to disappear. But then I have to think for a minute...there was something beautiful in the pain and experience so is that one beautiful thing worth everything else? Tonight, people who may not have a lot of family and live in a retirement home were smiling, dancing, and remembering their past. That is something isn't it. What about the one person who wanted to come. Wanted... I didn't even have to ask. What about the one person that noticed out of 12 and cared. So, it seems the rejection and negative hurt and stand out so much more, but yet...I have to stop and see the good or I will loose all hope. I was prayed with today and the person praying asked the Lord to give me confirmation that I was suppose to do what I was doing. Then, it seemed I got nothing but negative. But, then, I saw the people enjoying themselves and being blessed, They noticed the wholesomeness to the songs I chose, and ...the Lord gave me Proverbs 108:1 tonight. You should look it up. Out of the ashes....is a much truer refined beauty that I hope I can look for, discover, and rejoice in more than the ashes and darkness around me. This may not make much sense to anyone else reading, but it sure has helped me re look at today and actually the last several days. Life is changing, I am changing, may God lead where He would have me go. I will run the race and I will fight the good fight and I will not give up. Might change..lol...but I will get up, dust myself off, and keep going. I am on earth for the glory of God. To serve and do His bidding. I must and will learn to see myself as God sees me, as much as it will ever be possible for me to do so. I will reject the views and actions of the world and only take to heart who God says I am. Lets see, now that I have my goal down I should set a time frame, don't you think. Lets see.. Got it... the rest of my life.. here goes to a life following Christ.  ....P.S. I just want to say for the record....please please please learn to be honest!! It hurts so much more to be told empty promises and invitations when your heart is not in it, you wish otherwise, and/or you only say you want you think the other person wants to hear. For the truth will find you out and I tell you this...It hurts so much more finding the truth later after believing a lie than being told the truth up front. Yes, sometimes it can sting, but rather that then a wound to the heart. Just saying..

So many other things and topics, but I don't know that I can get them all down tonight so. As a reminder for what I would like to write later. 1. Honesty 2. Listening to that still small voice that is yelling at you. 3. Choosing to invest your time wisely. 4. Being alone and what to do about it.  Okay, well Goodnight now. Lord, thank you for being the one unchanging and constant in my life. When all else seems lost, you are always there.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Well, I just finished practicing 5 hours for my gig on Thursday. Don't you think I should feel prepaired...lol.. That will be the day... Oh, well. I will just enjoy what I do and hopefully they will enjoy it as well. Anyway, now that it is past midnight I am cutting this short and getting what little sleep I can for tomorrow. Goodnight!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

End of the Weekend

     So I know it has been a while since I last wrote. This last week was way crazy and I had to do one of the things I dislike which is leave a messy desk for more work starting Monday. Yes, unfortunately that is tomorrow and the work is still sitting there. O well, my boss says there is always another day. I think it is a bit funny it bothers me more than him (-: I guess that means I have a great boss. This weekend has been good. I didn't quite accomplish as much as I wanted, but I do believe I am moving in a positive direction so I would rather have some progress than none at all. I think sometimes I expect to much from myself now and want the project completed now instead of when is really realistic. (-: Maybe by just realizing that is a step in over coming (_:...lol...My silly mind sometimes...I can crack myself up... Lets see, I figured out more of my plans for my friend Stacy's bridal shower, I am really getting into it. I got some of the decorations this weekend which is very exciting. I know what I am making for the shower, but I need to pick the exact recipes and then buy the stuff to make them and plan out the baking schedule. I got the flower for my hair that matches the dress for the wedding. Still can't seem to find shoes that are purple and in wide, but I will check with her tomorrow to see if I am looking in the wrong place. I did get all my music picked out for my first performance at the Spring Meadow Retirement Center. That should be fun. My friend Tom is letting me use his amp and my wonderful friend Alex is going to handle sound for me. If makes me breath so much easier knowing he will be there, because when it is all said and done I know he will give me an honest and knowledgeable opinion on everything and I will know that the people listening and actually here me properly...lol...I was picturing me trying to adjust sound and play at the same time....didn't work... (-:  I got my check book balanced and still actually have money in the bank..That is a nice feeling..Though, I do need a new timing belt and tires for my car and I have to figure out why my break light keeps coming on. I have even talked to dad about just getting a more fuel efficient car since gas prices are going up. We shall see....Today, after church I got to hang out with Kolten, Karissa, and Esther Anderson..They are such a blessing and so much fun to be with. (-: Tomorrow, Lord willing I get to spend some time with Dottie, Tami Goldman, Liisa Anderson, and Jodi Kruse to celebrate Jodi's birthday. That should be a delight. I am also going to get some sewing projects to Destiny Kruse since I don't have the time to do them myself. She really is good at sewing so it will be a blessing to have her work on them. My o My... I am sure there is so much more running around in my head, but I am thinking it is time for me to shut down my mind and hit the hay so to speak...One thought I want to leave you with if you are reading this is... We were put on earth not to serve ourselves, but our heavenly Father and those around us to bring glory to the Father. We are to build into the body of Christ and that means we must fellowship together. It is very very important.

Ephesians 4

Unity and Maturity in the Body of Christ
 1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
 7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8 This is why it[a] says:
   “When he ascended on high,
   he took many captives
   and gave gifts to his people.”[b]
 9 (What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions[c]? 10 He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) 11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
 14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
Instructions for Christian Living
 17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
 20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
 25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

A lot to think about, but o..if we could just grasp these truths...What a life it would be and how much happier and fulfilled our lives. By doing what God has called us to do He blesses us even more. Die to self today and live for Christ alone.