Thursday, June 28, 2012
Wow, so....today is one of the better days I have had in a while. Things seem a little clearer and hope feels a little bit more near than it has in a while. And....I have not made it more than two days without crying in a while. I was just thinking about that. How much in my mind I want to be done crying and yet every time I cry I am giving up trying to make myself better and just acknowledging where I am at I feel just a little bit better. I do have good times and I also have times that just really hurt. So, if I can be honest with where I am at, and am willing to face it, than God can work and show me where He wants me to go. A friend shared today a story of where there had been an accident and how the person that got hurt could have died and the fear of the moment and the uncertainty was so frightening and it reminded me so much of Josh and May 5th. I believe God is sovereign and I am so glad He knows what He is doing because I don't really know what I am doing other than finding more and more how weak I am and how strong God is. I have tried to not be an emotional person, but I am. That is the way God designed me. So, God, please help my emotions to be used in positive ways and not in negative. I feel deeply for people. I see an ambulance or firetruck with lights blaring and I immediately start praying that no one is hurt and that if they are there souls are right with God. It gets me so much I have a hard time not crying and I wonder how everyone is doing and if there family is okay. Emotions hurt, but they also can bring such joy and happiness. Baby stepping my way through learning to be an Anne that glorifies God and is who He created her to be. ..So,......not sure if that makes sense, but I sure feel better for writing it. Praise the Lord.