So Much

It's been a while since I have been on.....Since the Lord convicted me about getting out of debt I have been working 52+ hours a week and have not had a lot of time to get online. Also, my computer died so I am lucky to be able to get on other computers when I can. All that to say..I have been way missing my writting outlet... This one has to be short because I have a long work day in front of me, but I will be back and with a lot on my mind I will have a lot to say. See ya

Lost Get Found

So, here I am yet again on another late night can't sleep blogging mode. An hour ago I found out some news that I thought would have devastated me. Here I sit and I have such a calm peace and I feel as if the Lord were holding me up and keeping me eyes from being cast down. Life sometimes feels so unreal and then I wonder, in our crazy mixed up thoughts have we distorted what real is? What do you think? Is "Real" the perfect life of wealth, and happiness, friends and family, a church fellowship that is constantly working as it should, children growing, meeting Mr Right, getting married and having all those wonderful picture perfect holiday meals as a family, is it the child always acknowledging that a parent is right, is it those perfect words of wisdom at just the right time that save the day, a day without struggle and mishap, shall I go on? How many versions of life are there? How many versions do we com pair to ours and wish for something better? How many ideals to we strive for to reach perfection? If I could just be there then I would be okay. If I could just be thinner then I would be pretty. If I could just be a little more rich then I would be popular. Who are we kidding? STOP! Ecclesiastes 1:2 says "All is vanity" Our minds twist and turn to our own making of reality, that we don't even know what the truth looks like anymore. That person didn't answer there phone so they are mad at me. That person only said hi and walked on so I am not important. WHO SAID! Out stupid wondering mind that doesn't KNOW what the other person is really thinking. I am in the boat with you. I am so horrible at thinking I know what someone else is thinking and guess what? The only person who is miserable is me. And most of the time I end up being wrong. I have been agonizing for months because I thought someone was mad at me. I asked them Sunday and guess what? They aren't. How foolish is that? To waist months agonizing instead of facing it, talking to them, and not playing mind games. Guess what people, Life is hard. Maybe that is why God said in 1 Timothy 6:12 "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." to fight the good fight there must be a battle. How many of us sit as spectators and just pretend to kinda walk the faith. I mean, we pray don't we..well sometimes...we memorize and spend time with God...well, at least on Sunday...so, I am not a bad person right...Guess what..it is not about being a bad person..It is about serving the ONE TRUE GOD, bringing GLORY TO HIS NAME, and FIGHTING THE FIGHT HE HAS SET BEFORE US. Life is not about us at all!!!!!!!!!!!! It is about GOD. If we could face the dark hidden spaces of our hearts and deal with what we pretend isn't there we can by God's grace conquer sin, and live in the freedom of God's will which is way better than any imaginary success the world has to offer. Reality check, doing what is right is not always easy, in fact, most of the time it is hard and not at all what our human nature is drawn to in fact quite the apposite, but the reward..There is nothing on earth to compare. The joy, the peace, and the love of Christ is so much greater than anything else I will ever know. He is sufficient. He is enough. He is real. Speak the truth in love. Not just to others, but maybe even yourself. Be honest with yourself. Don't hide things in the closet. Walk through fire for those you love. With God there with you, the fire might not be quiet as hot as you thought it would be. Just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. They got thrown into the fiery furnace and the guards throwing them in died. Did Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendnego. No! Were they willing to? Yes. God was with them. He is in control. We must BELIEVE that God is who He says He is. He WILL do what He said He will do. Throw off vain imaginations. Seek the Truth and the Truth will set you free. Stop living in a pretend world where everything needs to be perfect because you will never get there. Love people where they are at now..Love God now..after all...it's all we have..now.

Thoughts

Interesting title since that is the name of my overall blog.. Anyway, I was in bed with the little heater that looks like a fireplace going and was trying to sleep. My mind started going and going and going and ...well, you get the picture so...here I am writing a blog so I can get this all off my mind and then I can actually catch some sleep. These last couple of days have been big ones. Lots of things noticed, lots of ideas challenged, and yes..even the things I would rather ignore brought more into the light (don't you just love it when that happens). I believe it means that life is about to take a big turn and change. Now, as for me, I do not really like lots of change, but I am noticing that God does have a plan in it all SHOCK!! He is really amazing even when I can not see. I am 28, single, and .....well, most of my friends are married, have kids, and are either 10+ years older than me or 10+ years younger. So, where does that leave me....I still haven't really figured that out. I never wanted to live life alone where is was about me, but I think I got being alone and living for myself mixed up. I think I have to learn to function alone, live alone, and be content being alone, while I care about and help and meet the needs of others (by God's grace). To be honest, it isn't easy, but the more I try and find some sort of support or encouragement from people and ignore certain things the more I want to run away from people entirely and just be a hermit. Vicious circle. I mean, seriously, who is going to hurt you if you are alone. Well, that would be yourself so there really isn't a win win is there. I believe that my purpose on earth is to bring glory to God and to love my neighbor as myself. So, if I can learn to do that then I won't have to worry about living for myself, but at the same time...there are some people I can't keep doing things for because it is not my need to fill. Uggg...so many choices and yes, i mess up a lot of them. Last couple of days I have been praised and lifted up and dumped, ignored, and forgotten. God is the only one that stayed and went with me. In fact, He is always with me. So, when I hear praise I don't always know how to take it and when I have the negative happen, for some reason that is what I expect. I think that is all I am worth. Now, I know logically that is not good, but I have not learned yet how to truly believe otherwise. It seems when I finally venture out and test it I get hit back down and just want to disappear. But then I have to think for a minute...there was something beautiful in the pain and experience so is that one beautiful thing worth everything else? Tonight, people who may not have a lot of family and live in a retirement home were smiling, dancing, and remembering their past. That is something isn't it. What about the one person who wanted to come. Wanted... I didn't even have to ask. What about the one person that noticed out of 12 and cared. So, it seems the rejection and negative hurt and stand out so much more, but yet...I have to stop and see the good or I will loose all hope. I was prayed with today and the person praying asked the Lord to give me confirmation that I was suppose to do what I was doing. Then, it seemed I got nothing but negative. But, then, I saw the people enjoying themselves and being blessed, They noticed the wholesomeness to the songs I chose, and ...the Lord gave me Proverbs 108:1 tonight. You should look it up. Out of the ashes....is a much truer refined beauty that I hope I can look for, discover, and rejoice in more than the ashes and darkness around me. This may not make much sense to anyone else reading, but it sure has helped me re look at today and actually the last several days. Life is changing, I am changing, may God lead where He would have me go. I will run the race and I will fight the good fight and I will not give up. Might change..lol...but I will get up, dust myself off, and keep going. I am on earth for the glory of God. To serve and do His bidding. I must and will learn to see myself as God sees me, as much as it will ever be possible for me to do so. I will reject the views and actions of the world and only take to heart who God says I am. Lets see, now that I have my goal down I should set a time frame, don't you think. Lets see.. Got it... the rest of my life.. here goes to a life following Christ.  ....P.S. I just want to say for the record....please please please learn to be honest!! It hurts so much more to be told empty promises and invitations when your heart is not in it, you wish otherwise, and/or you only say you want you think the other person wants to hear. For the truth will find you out and I tell you this...It hurts so much more finding the truth later after believing a lie than being told the truth up front. Yes, sometimes it can sting, but rather that then a wound to the heart. Just saying..

So many other things and topics, but I don't know that I can get them all down tonight so. As a reminder for what I would like to write later. 1. Honesty 2. Listening to that still small voice that is yelling at you. 3. Choosing to invest your time wisely. 4. Being alone and what to do about it.  Okay, well Goodnight now. Lord, thank you for being the one unchanging and constant in my life. When all else seems lost, you are always there.

Tired

Well, I just finished practicing 5 hours for my gig on Thursday. Don't you think I should feel prepaired...lol.. That will be the day... Oh, well. I will just enjoy what I do and hopefully they will enjoy it as well. Anyway, now that it is past midnight I am cutting this short and getting what little sleep I can for tomorrow. Goodnight!

End of the Weekend

Hi,
     So I know it has been a while since I last wrote. This last week was way crazy and I had to do one of the things I dislike which is leave a messy desk for more work starting Monday. Yes, unfortunately that is tomorrow and the work is still sitting there. O well, my boss says there is always another day. I think it is a bit funny it bothers me more than him (-: I guess that means I have a great boss. This weekend has been good. I didn't quite accomplish as much as I wanted, but I do believe I am moving in a positive direction so I would rather have some progress than none at all. I think sometimes I expect to much from myself now and want the project completed now instead of when is really realistic. (-: Maybe by just realizing that is a step in over coming (_:...lol...My silly mind sometimes...I can crack myself up... Lets see, I figured out more of my plans for my friend Stacy's bridal shower, I am really getting into it. I got some of the decorations this weekend which is very exciting. I know what I am making for the shower, but I need to pick the exact recipes and then buy the stuff to make them and plan out the baking schedule. I got the flower for my hair that matches the dress for the wedding. Still can't seem to find shoes that are purple and in wide, but I will check with her tomorrow to see if I am looking in the wrong place. I did get all my music picked out for my first performance at the Spring Meadow Retirement Center. That should be fun. My friend Tom is letting me use his amp and my wonderful friend Alex is going to handle sound for me. If makes me breath so much easier knowing he will be there, because when it is all said and done I know he will give me an honest and knowledgeable opinion on everything and I will know that the people listening and actually here me properly...lol...I was picturing me trying to adjust sound and play at the same time....didn't work... (-:  I got my check book balanced and still actually have money in the bank..That is a nice feeling..Though, I do need a new timing belt and tires for my car and I have to figure out why my break light keeps coming on. I have even talked to dad about just getting a more fuel efficient car since gas prices are going up. We shall see....Today, after church I got to hang out with Kolten, Karissa, and Esther Anderson..They are such a blessing and so much fun to be with. (-: Tomorrow, Lord willing I get to spend some time with Dottie, Tami Goldman, Liisa Anderson, and Jodi Kruse to celebrate Jodi's birthday. That should be a delight. I am also going to get some sewing projects to Destiny Kruse since I don't have the time to do them myself. She really is good at sewing so it will be a blessing to have her work on them. My o My... I am sure there is so much more running around in my head, but I am thinking it is time for me to shut down my mind and hit the hay so to speak...One thought I want to leave you with if you are reading this is... We were put on earth not to serve ourselves, but our heavenly Father and those around us to bring glory to the Father. We are to build into the body of Christ and that means we must fellowship together. It is very very important.

Ephesians 4

Unity and Maturity in the Body of Christ

 ¹ As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. ² Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ³ Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ⁴ There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; ⁵ one Lord, one faith, one baptism; ⁶ one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
 ⁷ But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. ⁸ This is why it^[a] says:
   “When he ascended on high,
   he took many captives
   and gave gifts to his people.”^[b]
 9 (What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions^[c]? ¹⁰ He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) ¹¹ So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, ¹² to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up ¹³ until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
 ¹⁴ Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. ¹⁵ Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. ¹⁶ From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Instructions for Christian Living

 ¹⁷ So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. ¹⁸ They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. ¹⁹ Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
 ²⁰ That, however, is not the way of life you learned ²¹ when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. ²² You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³ to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
 ²⁵ Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ²⁶ “In your anger do not sin”^[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold. ²⁸ Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
 ²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

A lot to think about, but o..if we could just grasp these truths...What a life it would be and how much happier and fulfilled our lives. By doing what God has called us to do He blesses us even more. Die to self today and live for Christ alone.

Happy

I am so happy about the things that were accomplished this weekend. I got my entire and I mean entire room organized. Head to toe...(-: What a good feeling. My desk is organized and my filing cabinet is up to date and ready for needed current information and the old is gone in the trash. My cloths are color coordinated and all in the closet. No more bags of cloths that don't fit under the bed (-: In fact. other than one roll cart for photography storage the underneath of my bed is clean to. My check book is staying balanced and I actually ended the month with money in the bank. What an amazing feeling!!!!!!!!! I got my friend Stacy's bridal shower invitations made and put in the mail this morning. I finished Amy and Kody's pics and mailed them, finished Stacy's pics and mailed them, and am about half way done on finishing Faith's pics. I did a quick photo shoot for my coworker and friend Erin and already delivered them (how amazing is that!!!) I have two more photo projects that have to be done and then I can catch up on all the ones that I wanted to do more with, but didn't have the time. I got a chord for my stereo so I can now listen to my ipod while I work at my now clean organized desk instead of making my back hurt sitting at the couch each night. All that's really left to do in my room is paint the walls and put up the decorating. I need one black and white pic for one wall. Not sure what the pic is yet, but I am sure I will find it when the time is right. I also want a little table to put in front of my mirror on the wall so that when my sister comes to stay for a while I have a place to put hair and makeup stuff. I am going to paint my headboard black and my dresser and yep. I think all the pieces will be in place. So, anyway... this is probably a really boring post if anyone actually reads it, but I am sooooo excited about what the Lord is doing and the progress that is being made. Thank you Lord for your goodness and care for me. Goodnight all!! Do something this week that has been put on the back shelf and see how good it feels.

Weekend Projects

Today is going to be a good day I believe. I have my list of projects that need done and they are numbered in order of ergency. I am trying to get the habits in my life organized. I am so much happier when I have a system in place and I stick to it. There are some things that I often just want to close the door on and think if I don't see it it wont bother me, but o it does. So...away they go. One by one the weight of things needing to be done is gone and I can relax more and more into a comfortable daily routine. So....Here is for the weekend and what will be accomplished. What are you working on this weekend?

Bed Early

I know, Some of you are thinking 10PM is not that early, but it is early for me. I usually am up until midnight working or thinking, but tonight...I am off to bed. Just wanted to post that. Today was a good day, but long and sadly no snow. )-: I had my singing lesson with Mr McMurrey and that was a lot of fun. Making progress, though honestly I don't really know where my voice is at or even if it sounds good. He likes parts of it, but I don't know if that means he likes my voice in whole or just points out the good things about it. Anyway, I am trying and working at improving. I will be performing March 10th at a retirement center here in GP so that will be a challenge. Mr McMurrey says that it is performing that will help give me confidence so we shall see if he is right..At the very least...I love music. Thank you Lord for that. Goodnight all.

Another Day Another Time

Well, I had a couple ideas of what I wanted to write about and now.... Don't know where to start....Okay.... Here goes...One of the things that is the most important to me is honesty and COMMUNICATION!! In today's society it seems people are too afraid of how the other person is going to react or they are afraid of hurting someone elses feelings and so they never say what they are truly thinking. We are a society of empty promises and flattery without a lick of truth. Man o man what would I give is someone told me my hair was messed or I had a spot on my jeans. My friend Emma is a blessing! She tells me (-: Don't you feel rather silly getting home and looking in a mirror to discover it yourselves. In fact, It can be speaking the truth in love to tell someone because you wont be thinking about yourself, but the need of another and isn't that what love really is. Caring about the needs of others more than our own? How about communicating with someone if a plan is changing or you have decided not to do something and you've known days in advance. For those of you out there like me, I like to have things planned out. Mind you, I do like to be random and spontaneous at times, but....after the work is done and then I can relax. I plan out my weeks and what I am going to do. Then, when you get to a day that is a group event and everyone tells you they haven't prepared and they don't want to go it affects everyone else connected. I tend to feel less and less like doing something when others don't seem to care and don't even care to communicate and let you know. It seems like a waist of time. I do understand that things come up, but when something becomes a habit...well, it gets you to thinking doesn't it? Do you know what I mean? We so often think that something only affects us and we aren't even conscious of thinking about other people. We aren't even trained to think about the other people. I sometimes wonder....When do we think about others and when is it if ever okay to think about ourselves. What do you think? I think we are on this earth to serve and be used by the Lord God Almighty and to let His love work through us which means "Love your neighbor as yourself". When? Not when you feel like it, not when it is convenient, not when you can pencil it in, but ALL the TIME. It seems so simple, but obviously our culture is not that way at all. It is very "Look at Me" oriented. I struggle with this selfishness just like anyone else. I pray the Lord will continue to change my heart to care more for the needs of others than myself and die to myself and selfish desires to truly love my God more than the ways of this earth...One last thought to make sure my point is as clear as I can make it at almost midnight. I did say and Scripture does say NEEDS. Big difference between wants, desires, or wishes and needs. We must ask God for discernment to know the Need and meet it with His grace....With that...Goodnight

Monday Night

Yeah, so maybe I need to come up with more original posts. I'm not sure. Today was a good day. Sunny and beautiful outside. Sadly it is suppose to rain tomorrow )-: But then it is going to snow later in the week and that should be fun as long as it is safe to drive. I am still nervous on icee roads especially after my accident over 2 years ago. My goodness time flys. Tomorrow is going to be a bit of a busy day. We have our office meeting in the morning and then I have to run out to one of our listings that is one the Agent Tour List to make sure everything is prepared. The seller is making home made Sweet Rolls and a Bunt Cake. Yummm... Look, but no taste for me (-:   Then I may have to drive to Ashland again to pick up some information for my boss. That actually might be nice if the rain is not to heavy. Later in the evening I am going to an auction with my Dad. I want to see if I can find anything worth investing in. I am on day three of my 1500 calories and funny enough I seem to just barely make it to 1500 calories. That is good though, as long as I don't go into starvation mode. I am trying to stay off of dairy and am using almond milk and coconut milt instead. It is actually pretty good and I don't mind. I have been trying to be more faithful in exercising. I was doing it every day, but was burning to many calories on the 500 cal diet, and now I still crave exercise, but lately I just feel tired. I do not have any energy tonight and I actually sat here on the couch for about an hour doing nothing of importance trying to muster the concentration to write this blog. Haaaa. now I feel like typing and I am probably getting my brain geared up so that I wont be able to sleep for a while.. lol...vicious circle... I played piano for two hours tonight. It was soooo nice. It really has been a while since I have played and I am really horribly out of practice. That is bad since I am now going to be playing and singing once a month for the Spring Meadows Retirement Center here in GP. I am calling it a Walk Thorough Time and concentrating most of the song selections on oldies, but throwing in a few newerish folk songs. I am having fun playing with the different styles of music and am looking forward to seeing with more performing what style and shape my voice will take. I am hoping to start practising piano at least an hour everyday on top of doing my voice lesson practice 30 minutes a day. Hopefully with that the first session and Spring Meadows will be a breeze other than the nerves. My biggest battles seem to have a lot of fear in them. That is one thing I am trying to overcome in my life. Fear...It is just pure selfishness and I am discovering I am a very selfish person. I really am...Do we ever truly learn to not be so selfish. There seem to be so many forms of it, that it can often escape our notice entirely. Okay, well you now how I said I was going to type forever? I changed my mind. I am about to fall asleep so I will bid anyone who may read this a goodnight, good morning, or good day. May the Lord bless you in a special way today and let you know that you are loved!

Good Weekend

This weekend was a good one. It started with a crazy day of work on Friday followed by a going to see  I am Number 4 in theaters with Noah Clipp and Zane Moore. I enjoyed the movie as it was actually pretty clean except for some language issues. Afterwords we were having a good time visiting so we went to Wild River and I got there salad and both Noah and Zane chugged down a medium fry each. Lol.... they are both two guys that would be fun to cook for since a girl likes it when people enjoy her cooking. At least. this girl does. It was the last day of my 500 cal diet and I am excited to say I lost 25.5lbs. This weekend I got to eat 1500 calories, but I don't think I did that today. Just wasn't that to terribly hungry. I got Amy's wedding pics all done Saturday as well as Stacy and Nick's engagement photos and some of Faith's senior pics. I also ordered my dress from David's Bridal for Stacy's wedding. I am so excited about being able to fit into it and look nice. Today I had church at Christ Covenant. Had a yummy potluck lunch and the Kaila did some pics of me and then I went shopping with Karissa for Stacy's bridal shower invitation paper and Cassie's surprise party birthday present. Her party was a lot of fun and I even played Frisbee for a bit. I don't like to play it to often because I tend to get too competitive and I can't keep up as well as the younger kids. It was fun today though. After that I got to listen to the Goldman's sing some of their songs and that was such a delight. Dinner tonight was a Mannatech Bar which unfortunately they discontinued. I made a stop at Walmart for some groceries and then home. I am going to try and stay off dairy so I bought some Almond Milk and some Coconut milk. Not to bad. I think I could get use to it. I am really working on changing my eating habits. Not just because I have to on this diet right now, but because it is healthier. I wonder sometimes what the man I marry will like. Hopefully he likes to eat healthy, but at the same time it would be nice to make spaghetti's or pasta dishes as well as Thai food recipes. I guess that is okay if it is done in moderation. I think one of the biggest things I have been contemplating is God's love and His commandment to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind and to love others as ourselves. Very simple, but it does take thought. I am wanting to learn to hold my tongue better and listen more. The Lord is giving me opportunity to learn. (-: He is always good about things like that. Goodnight world. Sleep well.. I will write more later. I have three pages of notes from the sermon today. Don't worry...I won't post it all at once. I think I will make it a few different posts in a series. God is so good and the Christian walk is really so much more simple than we make it out to be. . Goonight!

Hmmmm...

Today was a long day. Not really the most enjoyable I have ever had, but God is always present and that is a major comfort. I meant to write more this last week, but with baby sitting any ounce of energy or ability to write thoughts down went clear out of my head. I loved the week I spent with the kids and look forward to the day when I can have my own. I know God's timing is perfect and I don't want to settle for anything less than His plan so... wait I shall. Work is going well and keeping me very busy. That is a major blessing since so many are unemployed and looking for the hard to find job. I drove to Ashland today to put a lock box on a new house that my boss listed. It looks like there are also 53 lots that are being sold as one so I may be driving up there again this week. Sometimes I like driving because it gives me a chance to think. I thought a lot today about relationships. It seems so many people see them from different perspectives and relate to people in different ways. Well, da.. right. So we are constantly learning how to relate to each individual and if we really look at it speak to them in their love language. Other than my friend Betsy, I don't have anyone my age that is single any more, and she is all the way in FL. )-: The people I do spend my time with are either married with kids, or way younger than me. It has challenged me to learn how to relate in a mature fashion to each age group. I can't relate to a 15 year old like I would to a 38 year old and visa versa. Learning to maintain my age maturity and still be friends I guess with the younger age group can sometimes be a challenge. I hope they will be patient with me as I figure it out. Anyway, I feel like I am drifting in my thoughts, though I didn't really have a direct train of thought in the first place. lol... This is going to be random. I truly seem to find it easier to write thoughts down than to talk them out. Maybe that is a good thing right now. In a way, I feel like when I write the thoughts down I am also talking to the Lord and He can direct my thoughts to Him. So, Lets see....I guess I am learning more and more not to put expectations on people and maybe not on life. Nothing is really predictable or constant except the Lord. Life is changing and sometimes I change with it and sometimes I seem to sit still. I sometimes picture life in a unrealistic fashion and sometimes I am spot on. Today I think I was both. I think at times I take things to serious. I like to plan things out and have them be as perfect as possible and sometimes I guess I just need to jump and make a decision. Sometimes I stress out to much over the details and just need to trust the Lord. ugggg.... Don't really know what to call that and I don't even know if it makes sense (if anyone is readying this anyway). What to do???????????????? Don't really like that question when I don't know the answer. Okay Lord, Please show me. Well, That's all for tonight folks. My jumbled up, random, thoughts of the day. Ha.. I must be tired. Goodnight

Good Morning Wednesday

Well, This morning I was woken up by not one, but two very awake kids. (-: ...LOL... I think they conspired against me, because they decided to wake me up extra early so they could play with me before getting ready for school. (-:...They are clever kids (-:   
     I wanted to write down some of my thoughts from Sunday's sermon before I completely lost my train of thought. The sermon was from Eph 4:3-6.
        "³Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.⁴ There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; ⁵ one Lord, one faith, one baptism; ⁶ one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." and       
       Col. 3:12 "So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
      2 Corinthians 5: 14-21 "14For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

16So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21God made him who had no sin to be sin^a for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

     We are to seek peace with the world and unity in the Spirit. Keep in mind I am not talking about World Peace because it is obvious from Scripture that is not happening. Rather that you and I as an individual seek peace rather than enmity. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. We make the "Christian" life way to difficult. Now, look at the last sentence. What is the biggest issue in it? "We"  when we try and do it we will fall flat on our face. So, what is the secret to living the way Christ would have us? We must be Spirit led in the knowledge of His Word and what HE can do through us in unfathomable. We must rather seek God, His Word, and DO what He tells us to do. If we ask for His will only to decide if we want to do if after, do you think He will tell you. NO, God's not stupid. First we must decide that whatever He tells us to do we will do, and then guess what...He will tell you. Simple. We must do it, even if it is uncomfortable, strange different, whatever. All those things are us thinking about ourselves not God and we must focus on God and Love Him. So now that we have covered doing what God tells us to lets look at the verses above. Col. 3:12 "put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." That's a tall order right there and only accomplished when we are focused on God. A lot of unsaved people are pushed away from Christianity because they feel judged. Hmmm... that certainly doesn't sound like the verse we just read. By God's grace we must look past a person's issues and have compassion. Do we know how they were raised? Do we know what they are struggling with in their lives? No. We know that for someone to act in a negative manor they must have pain in their life and instead of getting mad at them for it we should show compassion and when we are compassionate all of a sudden we can be kind to them even if they aren't to us. Prov. 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. " Wow, it's like defusing a bomb. Kindness is remarkable. Humility - Do you think anyone is going to respond if you have a I am better than you attitude or I am going to make you better? Far from it, They will run as far away from you as they can get. Remember, It is only by realizing we are nothing without Christ and focusing on Him that we can do anything good or rather that He can do it through us. Christ is the only thing that makes us different that anyone else. Left on our own we are just as dark and sinful. Gentleness - I think that can tie in to compassion and kindness. Don't be ruff with them, don't react to them, just love them. And last but not least the dreaded word - Patience - Yes, things take time - we must be longsuffering and stick to what we are called to do. The where and when is up to God. Every day we must continue in these attributes. Being faithful every day in the little things bring you to the bigger picture.

     Well, my time is up for now. Hope you enjoy this post. It sure has given me a lot to think about. Blessings, Anne

Long Day

Wow, Long day............ And believe it or not, I am going to bed as soon as this post is done. I had an awesome day and got a lot accomplished. I had a welcome back lunch with my Boss and our Team today and was able to eat romaine lettuce, chicken, and vinegar... Not to bad, but man o man I am sooooooooo looking forward to having a break from the 500 cal diet. I am happy I lost 20lbs, but was really wishing for more as I have another 40 left to go. I will just have to do this diet all over again as soon as my 6 weeks maintenance is done. I got off work at 4:15, ran (okay drove) to get Shangbie from school and then got Molly from the YMCA. Then I ran to my parents to pick up some frozen steak to cook for myself and got some cloths, came back to the kids house, made dinner (shh... I didn't put glitter in the eggs instead of salt....okay okay... I lied...yes I did. LOL... I reached for where the salt is at our house, but didn't pay attention and before you know if the eggs were sparkly blue (-:) The kids actually wanted scrambled eggs and toast. I made them hash browns as an extra treat...Sigh, but they didn't like those, so thank goodness I only did two small potatoes. After dinner, I made their lunches and dinner for tomorrow since I have singing class in Medford, my lunch and dinner, cleaned the dishes, helped Molly with her school work, gave them both baths, and then tucked them into bed. Then, I failed at picking a good song for singing class so I am going to wing it.. Don't like to do that normally, but not much I can do about that now. I love being prepared and having things scheduled out, but I sometimes have to take a big breath and go with the flow. Now I am writing my blog and then going to slip into a big sleep so I will actually be more awake when Molly wakes me up in the morning. Lets see, hmmmm....What have I learned today that is worth mentioning....oh, actually not just today, and I am still in process of learning, it is patience. I want to be my target wait now and I am learning major and I mean MAJOR self control by not cheating and quiting early. I am determined to do the best I can and if it takes me another 2 rounds or more of this diet then I will do it. My goal is to be 125lbs and in shape. I don't even know what that will look like, but it is exciting. So here is for patience and self control. I have 10 more days on the HCG and then 6 weeks of maintenance and then I will do it another 2 weeks with 2 weeks of maintenance, and then I have a wedding...then I just looked at the calender and I can do it another 3 weeks with 3 weeks of maintenance before the family reunion. So, that is the goal. 3 more times between now and the end of June. Wow, that seems forever, but I will look forward to this summer (-: Okay, I have talked my thoughts out and actually just planned the 3rd HCG round, but I feel good about that decision. Good night all and hope you are having a blessed week!

Happy Tuesday Morning

Well, morning one is done with the kids to school on time (O JOY) and me to work. Have a full day at work and then back to pick the kids up, make dinner, help with school work, visit, and then... Hmmm... I think more work is on the list. LOL...It will be good though. This morning, at exactly 6:45 I got woken up by Molly. (-: She crawled in to bed and we visited for about 15 minutes talking about all kinds of random things. She took a great liking to my nice soft fuzzy blanket my Aunt and Uncle got for me so she was walking around wrapped up in it until leaving for school. (-: Okay, want to keep writting, but work calls. Hope you have a great day and I will post more tonight when the kids are in bed. Blessings to you all!

Late Thoughts

Well, I have lots to say and little brain power to do it. It's interesting how that works. I had an amazing weekend and got a lot done and over came some pretty big road blocks in my life. I am continuing to get revelations and insights from the Lord that are reshaping how I look at life and consequently change who I am. Rather exciting I must say. All these things will have to wait as I am super tired and have a friend waiting for the computer. I am now, for a whole week, baby sitting two of the cutest kids you would ever want to meet. Being that I have a full time job and they have school I have to be up at 6:45 to get them up, ready for school, to school, and then me to work by 8. I am looking forward to this week and what the Lord will do in it. Fun times. Keep you updated when I have more brain power. (-: Good Night

Saturday

Today, I am working on relaxing. LOL... Now with the schedule of getting up early, cleaning the house, packing for the weekend, working for a coworker to organize his desk, driving to Eagle Point and hanging with the Goldman's you might not think that is relaxing. Well, for some people it probably isn't, but I think it is possible to have a full schedule and still relax. However, keeping in mind. that you don't go all the time and you still need those stay at home and do nothing relaxing days, but I am talking about a different kind of relaxing. Here is what I mean. A day where you can be laid back, give yourself plenty of time between projects, have it planned out, but be flexible, and just enjoy where you are at. If we could learn to do that more in our every day lives we would cut out so much stress and anxiety. Don't you agree? A planned out day with the freedom to be open to necessary change can be so rewarding. It is already 1:30ish and I feel like I have already accomplished a lot, and (-: I still have time to write this blog...I think also on top of the planned out, but flexible day is the need to think about our priorities. Mine today: 1. Get my home chores done (Check) 2. Work for my coworker to make some extra money (Check) 3. Decorate my boss’s office for his return to work on Monday (Check) 4. Spend quality time with friends I haven't seen for a while (I have the rest of the day) First things done first, and now I can do what I want the rest of the day. Spending time with my friends was going to look like ice skating and going to a birthday party, but that all got canceled. No big deal, my plan for the day wasn't to go ice skating and to go to a birthday party, but to spend time with friends. So, instead of stressing over the change I can still accomplish my plan and really don't care too much about what we do if anything other than just getting to be with them. (-: That sounds like a fun and exciting day to me. So, hehehee. Like I said earlier... Hope this doesn't have to be written a special way because these are the thoughts running in my head and it is so exciting to put them down in writing so I can truly acknowledge what God is doing and what He is showing me every day. Hope you have a wonderful relaxing day today even if your to do list is full. And remember there are times where it really is okay to stop, breath, smell the roses, and then keep on keeping on. Blessings, Anne

A Good Day

Today was good. Thank you Lord for reminding me that I should care about others more than I care about myself. You know that group event I told you about earlier. I had a blast. So much fun and we even played a Dance game on the Wii and I wasn't afraid. I love moments like that when you do something outside of your normal comfort zone and you can just enjoy it, laugh at yourself, and then enjoy watching others do the same thing. Hmmmm..  I was tempted to stay over at my friend’s house this evening and would have had fun, but the Lord is also reminding me that I need to take care of myself and be responsible or everything else I try and work on will suffer. I am off to bed early to rise early in the AM and get things done at home, then off work for a few hours helping someone organize, and then off to spend some awesome fellowship with a dear family in Eagle Point. I want to accomplish catching up on friends I haven't gotten to see for a while, wonderful time in fellowship at church Sunday, a Sr Photo Shoot for a friend Sunday afternoon, and then home to go through all the many Pampered Chef Boxes that arrived so I can get them out to everyone this coming week, and then off to bed early so I can have a healthy start to my week. Okay, so now that I have posted that...heehehehehe... I have to do it. See, I knew this Blog idea was a good thing...lol...Hope there isn't a special knack for writing because I am just writing what is one my mind. (-: Have a wonderful weekend and I hope to be back on writing more of my thoughts. Again, Thank you Lord for working in me and through me!

Fears

Okay, So here is another thought. Most of you who read this don't know that I was painfully shy and introverted in my younger years and dare I admit it, I often want to fall back into that mode. It was the Lord that helped me get out of my shyness by helping me realize that it was a form of selfishness and that if I could care for others I would find I was not afraid anymore. I realize how selfish I really am because I still have moments of fear and want to lock myself in a closet so I wont get hurt. However, all that said. I just had a picture in my head (yes, that crazy thing that sits on top of my body) of going to a group event and being rejected, unwanted, or just plain not fitting in. Any of you know what I mean? Sigh, I guess I wanted to post this silly little thing to maybe relate to people. Rest assured, the Lord did grab my thoughts back and help me put them back on Him and caring for others, but from time to time these fear moments come over me and I want to just hide. I know some of you must know what I mean. I think many people have moments like that. We all have a sinful nature, do we not. Today, I choose to believe God and learn more of who He says I am in Him. Thank you Lord! Oh, and funny....I feel a little better just writting this down. I think this blog thing might be good even if I am the only one that ever reads it. Lol....Sun is shining!

First Post to start the day

Well, here goes what may end up being a long line of posts. Today I am in awe of God's amazing grace. I chose Daughter of Grace as my blog name because if I didn't have God's grace every day I would not be breathing. I would be so lost and truly alone. I am at a point in my life where all my friends and family with the exception of those much younger than me are married, having kids, and moving on in their lives. I am tempted often to be discouraged, wonder what is wrong with me, and feel so lonely, but then I remember God is always there and He has a greater plan for me and it gives me such hope, joy, and excitement to see what the future holds. I truly wish I could keep those emotions all the time, but I have discovered that if following the Lord Jesus Christ was all easy and joyful we would have major issues. Rather, following Him and finding our contentment and joy in Him is a choice no matter what we feel. A decision made every day when we climb out of bed. "Choose for yourselves THIS DAY whom you will serve" I feel the Lord drawing me closer and closer to Him and to know that I can entrust my life to the most loving and gentle yet strong and firm Being takes my breath away and I can only glimpse His majesty. How exciting is that? Here I hope to write a journey of drawing closer to God and seeing His hand work in my life and the lives of those around me. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. Blessings to you all!!